What Is Synastry? Why Do Two People Affect Each Other So Much?

There are certain people in our lives.

From the very first moment we meet them, it feels as though we’ve known them for years.

Talking to some people is effortless. With others, no matter what we say, we just can’t seem to understand each other.

There’s an incredible pull between us and certain people. Some drive us crazy. Some change our lives. And some show us things about ourselves that we never wanted to see.

So could these differences between two people have an astrological counterpart?

This is exactly what synastry deals with.

What is synastry?

Synastry is the comparison of two people’s birth charts.

In other words, we take your birth chart, place it side by side with the other person’s birth chart, and look at how the two charts touch each other.

This isn’t just about the question, “Are you compatible?”

The real questions are far more interesting:

• What does this person set in motion in me?

• What do I trigger in them?

• In which areas do we understand each other easily?

• Where do we get stuck with each other?

• Where does the pull between us come from?

• Why is this relationship so easy, or so hard? But — and this is the most important part — we can understand how the two people in a relationship should treat one another, which is absolutely essential for the relationship to move forward in a healthy, harmonious way!

• 
  

Because the angles between two people’s planets can reveal a great deal about the dynamic of the relationship.

Is every hard angles a bad thing?

No.

In fact, sometimes it’s quite the opposite.

In astrology, some aspects flow more easily. Others require more effort, understanding and adjustment.

But there’s no such thing as “a difficult aspect = a bad relationship.”

Sometimes the very tension between us is exactly what draws us to each other.

Sometimes the person in front of us pulls us out of our comfort zone and helps us develop a side of ourselves we never considered.

In fact, there are relationships where you look at the two people and think, “How are these two even together?”

You look at the chart, and you understand.

Because sometimes what makes a relationship work isn’t similarity, but the dynamic between the two people.

So, in my view, looking at a synastry chart and telling people “this person isn’t right for you,” and pulling them apart, is one of the most shallow things astrology could possibly do.

After all, it’s not the chart that lives the relationship, it’s the two people.

The chart tells us the dynamic of the relationship; how we choose to live that dynamic is up to us.

What do we look at in synastry?

At first glance, we look at the aspects the two people’s planets make with each other.

For example, the relationship between one person’s Venus and the other’s Mars can give important clues about attraction and desire.

Moon connections can reveal emotional needs and how we make each other feel.

Mercury connections show our style of communication.

Sun connections can show how one person affects the other’s identity and sense of self.

Saturn connections can bring up the relationship’s dimensions of responsibility, boundaries, commitment and time.

And of course, our work doesn’t end with just the aspects between the planets.

It’s also very important which houses one person’s planets fall into in the other person’s chart.

Because then we can ask this question:

“Which area of my life does this person activate?”

If someone’s Venus falls into your 7th house, it might strongly activate your area of relationships and partnership…

If someone’s Saturn falls into your 10th house, it might create an important effect on your career and responsibilities…

So it matters just as much which life areas two people awaken in each other, as what they do to one another.

Synastry isn’t just for lovers

This, I think, is really important.

When people hear “synastry,” the first thing that comes to mind is usually a partner or spouse.

But whenever there’s a relationship between two people, synastry can be used to understand the dynamic of that relationship.

• Mother and child.

• Father and child.

• Siblings.

• Friends.

• Business partners.

• Boss and employee.

• Teacher and student.

• Even two people planning to work on something together…

• 
  

Each of these has its own distinct relationship dynamic.

For example, when you look at the charts of a boss and an employee, you can see what motivates the employee, or conversely, which of the boss’s behaviors put strain on them.

You can also understand which communication style the employee responds to better.

So instead of saying, “Why does this person behave this way?”,

“How can I communicate with this person so that we work better together?”

you can search for the answer to this question instead.

I think this has a very useful side in the workplace too.

Because not everyone likes to be managed, criticized, or motivated in the same way.

Can we learn how to treat each other?

This is one of the things I love about synastry.

If there’s a challenging connection in two people’s charts, instead of reading it as “Uh-oh, this relationship is bad!”, we can ask this instead:

“So how are we going to work with this?”

For example, one person’s chart might show they’re very sensitive to criticism. The other person, meanwhile, might show love by constantly correcting and critiquing.

Neither person means any harm.

But they might be pushing each other’s buttons.

The moment you notice this, the language of the relationship can change.

Sometimes how you say something to someone matters more than what you say.

In this sense, synastry can help two people understand each other better, and understand how their relationship works.

What is a composite chart?

Alongside synastry, there’s also the composite chart.

In a composite chart, instead of comparing the two people’s individual charts, a third chart is created — one that belongs to the relationship formed by the two of them.

So we step back a little from the question of “what are you, what am I?”, and instead ask:

“What do we become when together?”

That’s the question we look at.

Because every relationship has its own unique character.

Two people’s individual charts might be different, but when they come together, an entirely different dynamic emerges.

That’s why the composite chart can be used to understand a relationship’s needs, its strengths, and the points that need attention.

And again, this isn’t only for romantic relationships.

A mother-child relationship, siblings, two business partners, a boss-employee relationship, or any important bond between two people can also have its own unique “relationship chart.”

So what does synastry ultimately tell us?

I think, at its best, it tells us this:

“Why am I like the way I am with this person?”

Because some people calm us down.

Some encourage us.

Some bring out the child in us.

Some drive us up the wall.

And some hold up a mirror powerful enough to change our lives.

Synastry tries to make sense of this invisible exchange between two people.

But the purpose of the chart isn’t to tell you “this relationship will work” or “this relationship won’t work.”

The chart doesn’t live the relationship. You do.

Astrology just hands us a flashlight.

We see a little more clearly where we’re looking.

And sometimes what changes a relationship isn’t the other person changing;

it’s understanding why we see them the way we do now. And If Someone Is In Your Life, They Are Definitely In Your Chart Too!

Cheers

Selin Burat